Oly Lowlife 10-30-13

Date/Time: 10/04/2013, 18:56 Hours

Location: Greenery, The Evergreen State College

Incident: OPaL’s and Ba-No-No’s

A student in a skeleton sweatshirt went to the Greenery cafeteria at The Evergreen State College and indulged himself with five bananas and two apples. Pre-paid Greenery cards are a pre-requisite for campus housed freshman. Skeleton sweatshirts are a bonus.

Unfortunately for the fruit gorging Greener, the cafeteria enforces a strict limit on the number amount of fruit students can have. The limit is one. One fruit. Apple, or banana.

Double unfortunate for the fruit freak, was the eagle eyed employee who spotted the fruit freeloader and furiously phoned for police enforcements.  When a member of TESC Police Services arrived on scene they were told by the witness that the student had been noticed ignoring the imposed fruit numbers on numerous previous occasions. The fruit was estimated to be worth sixty nine cents each.

When the Police Services officer contacted the alleged fruit thief and his cohorts at a Greenery table the allegations were met with indifference. The group helpfully, and healthfully, explained that the fruit was for eating. All agreed that none of them had ever been contacted or warned about taking too much food before. The officer noted with a sense of flabbergast, that, “None of the males seemed to understand why this was a big deal.”

The officer pointed out a sign on a wall that laid out the allotted food appropriations assigned by the institution and advised the party to follow the quotas accordingly. Everyone of the conspiring fruit consumers was informed that the incident would be forwarded to their Grievance Officer. They all agreed to leave, but only after they finished eating.

Four of the five pieces of fruit were subsequently returned to the Greenery. The boy in the skeleton sweatshirt presumably left hungry.. ◙