C&C Astrology* Factory

(Correlation & Causation)

When god, free will, and happenstance are busy, they call me: John Swamini**

Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19)

Have you been enjoying your game of emotional hopscotch? All those numbered squares you have been stomping (the rest of us refer to them as “people’s hearts”) willy-nilly would prefer you take your doe-eyed whimsy to another playground.

Taurus (Apr 20-May 20)

Are you asking questions of other people because you are genuinely curious about the answers, or are you setting up a soapbox for yourself?

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

To your credit, yes, you have opinions. However, they suck. Really… they can be quantified several ways by unbiased third parties in double blind studies., so maybe be a little more open to other ideas… or not I guess?

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

It is one of those days where your energy and charisma allow you to basically get away with anything. Are you planning on doing good with this dangerous cocktail of weaponry or are you going to make the more popular choice?

Leo (July 23-Aug 22)

Nothing says “I love you” like a letter written in your own blood.

Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22)

Your boss may be causing you problems today. Or maybe your boss is just causing you to work/do your job today and you have a problem with that.

Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22)

Sure, being “sneaky” sounds all cute and cuddly but what it all boils down to is you being a big stinky liar, which itself sounds kind cute and cuddly. See the vicious cycle a spinnin’?

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)

I said, “sometimes a STRUGGLE is your best solution”, NOT A STRANGLE

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)

New possibilities always await but rarely are they truly worthwhile. Don’t get excited just because something is on the horizon. Take stock in what you have now.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)

Try keeping your love life so mysterious that even you haven’t got a clue what is going on there.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)

Change is exciting! Cut off your hand!

Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20)

Unless you are an airline pilot or something like that, it is ok to relinquish control for a little while to a trusted friend who maybe isn’t totally capable of holding it together for too long. Or maybe being a control freak is better. Use your worst judgment in this one.

* Special spooky behavior issue

** was saying “boo-urns”