C&C Astrology* Factory

(Correlation & Causation)

When god, free will, and happenstance are busy, they call me: John Swamini**

Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19)

Your winning smile conceals a cold, hard bite that awaits those who mean to do you harm. Perhaps flash your fangs a bit more at certain times to let people know you mean business.

Taurus (Apr 20-May 20)

Someone telling you to focus on enjoying the ride may be thinking you don’t have much left in you once it stops but you know better about looking at the big picture.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

You need to handle your money in different ways today; use your feet.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Being disorganized is a way of life and once you accept it, you can stop beating yourself up for not being as tidy as some of your more fastidious friends.

Leo (July 23-Aug 22)

There is no such thing as “having too much fun”… It is a myth perpetuated by jealous folk.

Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22)

Small things can turn into huge things if you do not pay attention to them… kinda like the opposite of your vegetable garden.

Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22)

There are plenty of healthy and fun ways to dull an over-active, over-achieving mind but unfortunately none are both healthy and fun.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)

Resist the urge.

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)

Before you say “no” to something, ask yourself if you are not better off saying “no, thanks”. Being polite is a dying art.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)

If you have a date today, change your expectations significantly to see what kind of hi-jinx it adds to the night.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)

If the “changing of the season” means garlic powder instead of onion powder on your microwave pizza, you need to get off the couch and go outside.

Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20)

Say “yes!” today. What’s that? No? Well, ok then.

* I saw it on the Internet; it must be true.

** Only fact checks things he disagrees with.