Olympia Lowlife 3-20-13

Date/Time: 2/25/2013, 11:48 Hours

Location: 400 Block 4th Ave, Olympia

Incident: Unsavory Character

A man who told Olympia Police that, “he never drives through downtown Olympia, as there are so many unsavory characters in the area,” forgot to take his own cautious advise.

According to the victim, a man with which he is unfamiliar  confronted him as he was stopped on a bike waiting for a red light at the corner of 4th Ave. and Jefferson St.  The unfamiliar and unsavory character then proceeded to accuse the cyclist of stealing, and currently riding his bike.  For retribution, the one-man collection agency demanded “$50 cash then he whipped out a chain and said I’m going to beat your ass.”  The victim, who adamantly denied knowing anything about a stolen bike, ran from his attacker “across 4th street to a closed resterant (sic) trying to get help (by) screaming.  He then pushed me 8 times in the face.”

The victim described his attacker to police as a man, “with a muscular build and a round nose.”  There was no mention of a corncob pipe and two eyes made out of coal.  When a man matching the description was located by police he did not mince words: “I’m the guy who punched (not pushed) him. . . At least 7 times.”  When asked if he had used a weapon in his attack, the man replied, “No. I had a knife and I could have slit his throat if I wanted to, but I just anted to beat him up.”  The attacker said the commotion was all over the stolen bike.  When asked if he would like to report the theft, he replied, “No. I’m not a snitch.”

The no-snit man was arrested and booked at the OPD jail for Simple Assault.

Date/Time: 3/3/2013, 14:45 Hours

Location: 700 Block Plum St., Olympia

Incident: Unhappy Meal

An order of happy-meals at a local Land of the Golden Arches ended most unhappily for all involved when the drive-thru conductor “cursed over the headset at a customer.”

The foul phono-infraction was presumably fixed with a free frosty cone and maybe some french fries for the offended patrons. But, the real trip to unhappy town had only just begun.

The offending employee was predictably sent home for the remainder of her shift due to her slip of the tongue, but it was her next move that presumably got her fired. . .

On her way out of the parking lot the disgruntled employee unleashed her mounting frustration on her manager’s parked PT Cruiser. The woman extensively keyed the car’s side panel leaving scratches approximately 18 inches tall and 3 feet long. The manager witnessed the act of vandalism from the drive-thru window perch and yelled at the woman, prompting the woman to flee the parking lot. The manager then phoned police to report the events.

The OPD responded to the employee’s home address in order to “get her side of the story.”  When the police arrived, the Keyer was “sitting on the curb.  (And)she was crying.”  The woman then admitted to keying the car because she felt her boss “had mistreated her for a large part of her shift, and she had just had enough.”  She added that, “it felt good at the time,” but was now having vandals remorse.

The woman was cited and released with a charge of Malicious Mischief.