New Fortnightly Single: Brandy!

This is me. And this is not poetry. What’s worse than poetry? Love poetry. What’s worse than a well-designed pair of Brooks Brothers prescription frames complementing a beard and mustache? Nothing.

This is me again. Brandy Allen. Or, as the artists like to all me, Brandy Chris Allen. Emphasis on “Chris”.

I’m not:

• a feminist
• a vegan (don’t disregard vegetarian though (because we DO live in the Northwest))
• a non-smoker (of cigarettes)
• an alcoholic (during the work week)

I am:

• from Tampa Florida (or as I like to call it: “Trampa Flo.Rida”)
• (from what I’ve been told) a music snob and avid-pitchfork.com(er)
• yup: a smoker (of cigarettes) (emphasis on “cigarettes”))
• an artist (like everyone else)
• kind of a bitch (but a really good people-watching one)
• a person who needs to get out of Olympia and into Chicago (ASAP)
• the one who uses an unnecessary amount of parenthesis and colons (but you would too if you read Jonathon Franzen)
• straight (“she likes men”)

When I close my eyes and point to a random DVD from my collection: “Gummo”

Book: “Men, Women, and Children,” by Chad Kultgen (which is also the last book I read)

Another DVD: not “Gran Torino”.

Another book: not “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”

I like to think that I have Ellen Paige’s personality in Juno with a touch of Tina Fey’s humor. Natalie Portman’s height (she’s five foot, right?) and Zooey Dechanel’s hair color. (Probably far-fetched but a sister can dream, can’t she?) Add all of that plus a nose ring and a tattoo of a robot on my bicep and that’s me.

If it doesn’t add up: come to The Evergreen State College Library and I’ll be the one shelving books in a floral romper with men’s style wing-tipped shoes.