Bezango: Overheard in Olympia

by StevenL

The private life is indeed dead. Cell phone conversations being in held in public provide better entertainment than the old days of party lines since now we can actually see the facial expressions and body language of one half of the talkers. And folks don’t seem to care if they are on stage for all to see and hear or not.

So that means you’re fair game here in Bezango. It used to be I had to go to the open pay phone area in the old pre-McMenamin’s Spar in order to hear stuff this fun for the public domain. But now I can’t get away from it. Those pesky little phones are everywhere.

A long time ago (before cell phones) a Seattle-based cartoonist I knew named Susan Catherine had a wonderful series called “Overhead at America’s Lunch Counters,” where one-liners taken out of context were presented in poetic one-panel comix. Using Susan’s work as my inspiration, I took the liberty of documenting just a brief sample of what I hear Olympia talking about. Enjoy these real-life one-liners as you would a Dada poetry reading:

“First I was going to push him ’cause he was like in my face and wouldn’t back down. It was like freaky.”

“He can take your house if he wants to.”

“A lot of black hair?”

“I’ll probably have my Mom do the painting. You know you can trust my Mom.”

“Jess had a temper tantrum. Freaked out on Kim! Freaked out on Andre!”

“If you could have mashed potatoes and gravy. It’s comfort food.”

“I think that outside orange works OK.”

“Yeah, your twin!”

“My uncle is trying to get me to buy the lake house back.”

“Check the meter and see if it’s moving.”

“Is there any reason you’re not going back to your girlfriend’s place?”

“Who is this person? I have no idea!”

“Better than a ‘Hallelujah’.”

“As long as it’s not pink because pink is not the new black.”

“I’m going to friggin’ slit my wrists in about two seconds.”

“Is Adam trashed?”

“Did I just call you or did you just call me?”

“I’m not really attracted to anybody else.”

“I know about clothes. I’ve worked at Macy’s and all that. But I don’t know anything about plants. I’m not a horticulturist.”

“She did not even know how to take out the trash!”

“I just wanted to confirm that you had forgotten about it.”

“Mine never went from nothing to everything, like yours did.”

“How much fiber is in it?”

“Do you miss me? Get used to it!”

“Has that helium-filled porcupine arrived yet?”

OK, that last one was me. And I didn’t really say it. Just testing to see if you are paying attention.

New Feature!

This article marks the beginning of a new feature in OP&L: Overheard in Olympia! Every fortnight, we will print a new out-of-context quote heard somewhere around town. It’s up to you to extract the deeper meaning. Look for it next issue!