Dear, We Need to Have a Chat

A key to your what? 2/24/10

Dear Auntie MacKenzie,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 months. Things are going really well. I want to give him a key to my place. Is it too soon?

- I.L., Olympia

Dear I.L.

Asking this question means you may not be ready for this level of commitment.

Giving someone a house key can be particularly risky if their name is not on the lease, the mortgage, or a signed legal agreement. I am not trying to sound suspicious, but in this day in age you can’t be too careful. Most women should ask themselves if they can give him a key because of the trust factor. Do you really know that he won’t change the locks or steal your laptop when you are at work!?

Okay, maybe you aren’t dating a career criminal, but what if he is just a garden variety immature dill-hole who does not understand boundaries? Despite the many advances in technology and medicine, there remains no cure for a man’s general disconnect from the reality of our lofty expectations. Regardless, 4 months is not always enough time to establish that you won’t come home from work and find him sprawled on your couch, finishing off your ice cream with only a corner of the afghan your Aunt Mamie knitted between your eyes and the crack of his pantslessness.

Another important element to consider in giving out a key is whether or not you have a roommate. Believe it or not, your roommate may object to your boyfriend having a key or even putting his name on the lease. This may seem obvious, but I speak from experience as the roommate who was not consulted and one day found herself living out the 1978 Saturday Night Live sketch “The Thing That Wouldn’t Leave”.

If you do have a roommate, have some decency and consider their thoughts on this matter. Be willing to move if they do not want you to give out a key nor have the boyfriend move in. What you do in your own home is your business, but if you share a house you have to consider the wishes of others.

And finally, just think long and hard before giving him a key. Perhaps, if he really wants to get that close, he should suggest signing a lease together on a new apartment.

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